Skipping Grades
When my daughter was young, it wasn’t a problem because her birthday fell right before the cut-off. Although she was still ahead of her classmates, I told her that she was in school to learn social skills, and she was eventually placed in a program for gifted students, where she was genuinely challenged.
I am worried about my son, however. He just turned 4 at the end of October, so the school system here will make him wait another year (until he’s almost 6) before he starts kindergarten. Since his dad is 6’7″, he is likely to soon be the tallest in his age group, even if he was not placed in a class where he was also one of the oldest. (He’s already over the 95th percentile, and his dad was 6 feet tall in 6th grade). He absorbs learning like his sister did. After his 48-month developmental screening, I looked over the list of skills in the enclosed magazine. He has already mastered all of the “Preschool” skills listed, and will probably have mastered all of the skills listed for the end of “kindergarten” by next fall—a year before they will let him start kindergarten. He is starting to read now, counts reliably to his teens, reads a handful of numerals and letter sounds, tells great stories, points out rhymes and beginning sounds, can identify about a dozen dinosaurs and a handful of countries and planets. On the other hand, if I were to try to get around the guidelines, there are real disadvantages to being the youngest in the class, too, especially in social areas (and because the teacher is not likely to remember that this great big kid is younger).
I don’t know if I should try to get him to slow down, just tell him not to worry that he already knows what they’re teaching him when he goes to school, or push for him to be allowed to start early. As a former teacher, I know that all of these choices can have unfortunate consequences. What would you advise?
Wow—that’s a tough parental choice, isn’t it? I’ll just say two things about it, and maybe they will help you as you think about this decision. First, you are his parent and know this child best! You have the insight into what he needs and what will best suite him more than any school system or administrator. I truly believe that your instincts and intuition for your child will serve him best because you know him better than anyone right now. Trust your motherly heart, it will help you make this difficult decision.
Second, I’ll tell you a bit of my own dealings with this situation. In my area, the cut off for school is September 1st, no exceptions. I have a son who has always been very gifted academically and tested in and out of everything our schools could offer (I know I’m the mommy speaking here, but he is exceptionally bright 
). His birthday is in November—so he too turned 6 very early in his kindergarten year. Every elementary teacher that he had in school called me after the first few weeks of school and asked me to move him up a grade—from kindergarten through sixth. I wrestled with this issue for kindergarten and first grade, then came to this conclusion. He may be exceptional in reading, math, and science, but emotionally and socially, he is still just 6, or 9, or 11. He needed to be surrounded by children who acted like he did, who moved like he did, and who were his same age. (My children are all quite tall too, so that’s another thing to consider.) I didn’t want him to be emotionally 12 and have to deal with a 14-year-old who had been held back and they end up in the same class/grade. There is a huge difference between a 12-year-old body/emotions and a 14-year-old body/emotions. I didn’t like the potential mix later on. One thing that helped me was to talk to several Junior High principals. Junior High is a rough age everywhere, and these principals have a front row seat to what it can mean to be the youngest in a class, or the oldest, the biggest, the smallest, etc. I got good information from that source—you might too.
On the other hand, I’m a firm believer that you DON’T PENALIZE A CHILD FOR BEING BRIGHT by deliberately slowing them down. Let them go as fast and as far as their mind and creativity can take them.
Apparently two conflicting ideas here. This is how I worked within my school system to accommodate both of these ideas. I would talk with each teacher when I would get the request to move him ahead, explain that I wanted him to be with his same age kids for emotional and social reasons, but that we needed to work together to keep him motivated and interested in school. That was both of our jobs. I carefully picked each teacher that he had—someone I knew would understand this and be willing to work with me to keep him challenged (I interviewed every teacher before I requested them—it annoyed some of them a bit, but it was too important to me just to turn my child over to anyone—so I did it anyway ) The teacher and I would work together to create extra activities that he could do, taking a lot of assignments further than the other children, delving deeper into each subject, etc. In second grade, we worked it out so that he could go to the fourth grade math hour, and the sixth grade reading hour—creating solutions like that helped him stay challenged in school, and still be a second grader during recess. The gifted and talented courses in our area helped as he got older.
He’s now in high school, taking college classes, etc., and behaving like a normal 17 year old. I haven’t regretted that decision for a moment. It took a lot of work on my part, and some wonderful teachers who were willing to help educate, not just hold class, but it worked out great for him. Should that be everyone’s solution, absolutely not—but maybe it might give you a few things to think about and ponder, and help you work out a solution that will be best for your son and your family. I know it’s a tough one because it will affect the rest of his school experience. But you sound like such a concerned, caring parent, and I don’t doubt for a second that you’ll arrive at what is best for him. Good luck!
